The only way to truly know if a love was real is if you miss the person as if they were dead after the relationship is over; just as the peak of a civilization is only visible from the decline that follows. All things that the person gave you are now gone and you must fill them yourself. You must love yourself as they loved you, you must call yourself to action to complete the tasks and be the person that person inspired you to become.
Ultimate wisdom is being able to attain a retrospective wisdom about the present at the present, I think many refer to this type of knowledge as "the zone". Love feels like this. You feel things like they already happened. You feel what you feel because love forces you to grow, that is it's purpose and growth always hurts and the experience of time simply does not exist when you are suffering pain. "For someone to love you, you have to be the single biggest influence in their life," a paranoid schizophrenic told me. Also, a partly-paraylized, alcoholic told me that, "you can not be greedy with love, when your time with someone you love is up, it is up, let it go." My father told me, "nothing lasts for ever, NOTHING!" These are all true. Lost love feels like the person you loved is dead. In fact, it prepares you for that, it provides a foundational experience for when someone you love really does die-- if they have not already-- making it a little easier to handle. I am sure that those who have experienced the death of a parent they loved before they had their heart broken dealt with the heartbreak worse than those that have not had this experience.
Love exists and it is the highest form of attraction. Two people get a glimpse of their best selves in each others eyes. The past only feels important because it was a road traveled to this person. One wonders how they existed happy prior to this person's arrival. One forgives oneself all failures and mistakes from the past, there are no more regrets truly for they all played an integral part of becoming the roadmap leading you to this person. Love illuminates flaws, humbles you and teaches you the illusion time can be on the inside; how great things can be even in the face of finite, terminable and precarious life. It illuminates the fact that reality is resistance, love and reality begin to battle, circumstance jabs at love and love jabs back and most of the time love loses prematurely. No big surprise, we are all guests to reality-our host. Love is an alien energy that flows in from the someplace that holds all this up. And like I said, love is always lost in reality, that is what makes it so precious during the moments it's current. Love is a part of that infinite energy that animates the animal machine we live in and it peeks in once in a while to amuse itself and check in on it's creation, us, like a high school basketball coach might at a former student-player's college home game.
Love hurts because you lose it, you always will. Death is the final line of defense if need be to end it. How do you know you are in love? If reality feels like the enemy, if time feels like it is oppressing you, if you become a little more like what you should be and less like what you are. Ultimately, take what you can get, who the fuck are you to get what you want, life aint about that. If we could get what we wanted, we would all get the perfect chick or dude, eat cheese steaks with no fat on it perfectly cooked and never get fat, we would never have to scratch or adjust our balls or lose or get scared or be hungry because we would always eat and never get full. There is no glory in that. Being here provides you the opportunity for glory, for triumph of the soul over the fear that reality and mortality impose on you, "be careful, you could get hurt". Fly in the face of reality for an ideal that drives us from the platonic realm where ideas and perfection come from. We can never touch it or be it but we can chase it and laugh a little when we are inevitably defeated by the mother jail that is reality and it's pup circumstance. Just giggle a little at our own inevitable defeat to steal a little victory and let it be known that you were a fighter for the human soul, the human soul, as Steinbeck put it, "that thing that is always attacked and never defeated.
1 comment:
Because we have no special powers to make people love us at will we must then accept that people are free to love us or not. This fact makes being Loved a privelage not a right. Not something that we must expect because it is our birthright but one that we receive with humility and gratitude because it is a gift.
Having said all that it also important to note that Love comes in 3 phases.
1. physical attraction = I like the way you look, you like the way I look. Simple.
2. Infatuation = I have a crush on you. I like the way you comb your hair, the way you slur your words when you're hammered etc. In other words i like particular characteristics that you posess.
3. Love = I not only love the way you look and the way you talk but i also love those things that cannot be seen. All the poets have erred when they said that Love was blind. On the contrary...Love sees the very depth of the other. The lover loves not only who the beloved is but also who the beloved can become. Love sees the full potentiality of the beloved.
And my last comment on the subject of love is that it has the power to instill us with uniqueness. In the eyes of the one who loves us we are unique and irreplaceable. And all of this through no power of our own. Just simply because we are loved.
And there you fucken have it...:)
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